If these words don't soak in, and embed themselves into my mind... I'm tired of this doubt that rises from the pit of my stomach whenever I think about the future. The fear that stems from within has me feeling so nauseous, has my eyebrows furrowing, has my body tense, has my mind going haywire in worry. Looking around, I see where everyone else has ended up and I feel like I'll be subjected to that mediocrity, but I don't want it. I don't want to feel this way. I want to KNOW that I'll be successful, and above all, I want to know that I'll be HAPPY in whatever it is I do. Sick and tired of these lame jobs I find myself at, wasting my time [something I can't EVER get back once it's gone], and super unhappy at. So over feeling like my career will be as unsatisfying as these jobs have been/ are. My field of interest is the Arts and I know my main hindrance is my fright. I'm so scared that I don't have what it takes to excel in this field. I need to break out of this shell and break out of the habit of feeling doubtful. I have what it takes, and I'm very much capable. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, so I shall speak goodness and success into my life.
Showing posts with label vent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vent. Show all posts
Monday, October 19, 2009
...but I'm different;
If these words don't soak in, and embed themselves into my mind... I'm tired of this doubt that rises from the pit of my stomach whenever I think about the future. The fear that stems from within has me feeling so nauseous, has my eyebrows furrowing, has my body tense, has my mind going haywire in worry. Looking around, I see where everyone else has ended up and I feel like I'll be subjected to that mediocrity, but I don't want it. I don't want to feel this way. I want to KNOW that I'll be successful, and above all, I want to know that I'll be HAPPY in whatever it is I do. Sick and tired of these lame jobs I find myself at, wasting my time [something I can't EVER get back once it's gone], and super unhappy at. So over feeling like my career will be as unsatisfying as these jobs have been/ are. My field of interest is the Arts and I know my main hindrance is my fright. I'm so scared that I don't have what it takes to excel in this field. I need to break out of this shell and break out of the habit of feeling doubtful. I have what it takes, and I'm very much capable. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, so I shall speak goodness and success into my life.
10.19.09
Sometimes I wonder why. Why GOD allows the things that do happen, to occur. I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world and that I should grow up, but is it wrong to really dream of and want a world of no tragedies, no evil, no bad? Is it wrong to not want the tears, the tear-jerking moments, the pain? I have a split perspective on this. While I feel that it doesn't/ shouldn't have to be this way, I question who I think I am for feeling this way. I have no say and I'm not even worthy of voicing my opinion. All I can do is pray and hope for better. Not just for my family, not just for myself, but for all the good people out there who are really going through it right now.
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